


you're gonna fall (but i'll catch you)

by cryptidking



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Pennywise (IT), Angst, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Mutual Pining, One-Sided Attraction, Pining, Slow Burn, this starts out sad but trust me it gets better!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-02
Updated: 2019-10-27
Packaged: 2020-11-15 02:02:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20858390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cryptidking/pseuds/cryptidking
Summary: Four times Richie Tozier gets rejected and one time he doesn't.





	1. Eddie

**Author's Note:**

> warning in this first chapter (and throughout the fic) for homophobic slurs and also just small town homophobia in general.
> 
> athank you to kora @chokingonholywater for beta-ing this for me!
> 
> also the title comes from the song "i dare you" by the regrettes :)

Richie Tozier was fourteen years old. He was riding his bike far too fast down the shoddily paved roads in his neighborhood, swerving around the potholes with ease. A normal kid would feel truly happy and free in a situation like this, riding their bike down the street close to dark, late August wind blowing their hair off their face, but Richie didn’t feel that way at all - which made sense, because Richie was not a normal kid. The only thing keeping Richie’s spirits high was the promise of seeing his best friend.

Richie sped up as he turned the corner out of his subdivision and onto the main road. He was supposed to be meeting up with Eddie at the quarry, or at least, that’s what Bill told him when they were hanging out with the other losers - except for Eddie - earlier that day. Richie had tried calling Eddie several times throughout the week, but every time, Eddie’s mother picked up instead of him. And every time, as soon as Richie started in on his scripted polite introduction, she hung up on him - and he wasn’t even being rude! Richie knew that Eddie’s mother despised him, but not for the same reason that most adults did. Richie took Eddie away from the safety of his house to do normal teen things, which for some senseless reason, drove Mrs. Kaspbrak up the wall. Richie didn’t really care about what Eddie’s mom thought, though. Even if he had to make plans through his other friends, he would find a way to see Eddie, no matter what.

Richie quickly clasped the brakes on his bike and threw it down onto the small gravel pathway leading towards the quarry. Eddie’s bike was already there, resting neatly on the border between the gravel and the bushes, propped up on its kickstand. When Richie made his way to the small cliff that overlooked the water below, Eddie was already sitting there, his legs criss-crossed, eyes focused on a loose thread at the hem of his sweatshirt that he was playing with. Richie immediately sat down next to Eddie, swinging his legs over the edge of the cliff, which broke Eddie out of his thread induced trance.

“Jesus, Richie you scared me!” Eddie said, immediately dropping the thread and placing his hands on the ground next to him. Eddie had traded out one of his polo shirts for a sweatshirt that was just a bit too big on him due to the cooler temperatures, but he still looked as dorky as he always did, which made Richie smile.

Richie, in response, immediately slipped into one of his terrible accents. He made sure to dial up the theatrics too, a combination that was guaranteed to rile Eddie up, “And what an absolutely splendid evening to you too, my good sir Edward.”

Eddie rolled his eyes; however, a small smile crept across his face. “Richie you’ve been here for fifteen seconds and you’ve already said the most annoying thing I’ve heard all day, that’s gotta be a new record or something.”

“Oh just you wait Eddie Spaghetti, there’s plenty more where that came from!” Richie laughed, and soon Eddie was shaking his head and laughing along with him. The two soon descended into their usual banter, Richie cracking joke after joke punctuated by Eddie yelling or saying something else to proclaim his annoyance. It was a steady rhythm that was easy to get into, and it brought both Richie and Eddie comfort.

Despite the strong start, the two soon descended into a sort of quietness. Richie and Eddie looked out over the quarry silently, the warm breeze gently caressing Eddie’s exposed legs and Richie’s uncovered arms. The trees surrounding the quarry were starting to change color, from one mass of vivid green to several blobs of yellow and orange, with occasional splashes of vibrant red. The whole scene was peaceful, but there was something heavy hanging in the air that was more than just the normal comfortable silence between the two.

High school was starting in three days. Richie tried to brush it off like it wasn’t an issue, like he was going to be completely and absolutely fine. He tried to focus on how he was going to see Eddie and the other losers a lot more, something he was always happy about. The downside, though, was what weighed him: public school meant having to step back into the public eye, and the public eye was not very fond of Richie Tozier. 

“So, Richie,” Eddie said, breaking the silence, “for the past week, you’ve tried calling me basically every single day to see if we could hang out, even though we already had plans with everyone else.”

Richie gulped. “I thought you didn’t know that I called. Your mom was the one who answered every time I tried.” He’d started out a bit tense, but defected to one of his more boisterous personas to try to alleviate some of the heaviness in the air. “You know Eds, your wonderful mother is truly dying to see me. It’s really been a while since we-”

“Beep beep, Richie.” Eddie sighed. He didn’t look his as annoyed as he usually did after Richie made a particularly bad joke, Richie observed. He just looked tired, or maybe even sad. Richie waited for him to speak, since it seemed like he had more to say.

“See, every time we get a call at the house and I ask who it is, she tells me,” Eddie said after a moment of silence. “Unless you call,” he added. “Then she gets mad at me and tells me it’s none of my business.”

Richie opened his mouth to speak, but Eddie cut him off before he could. It wasn’t unusual at all for Eddie to cut Richie off before or even in the middle of a sentence, but his time, Richie knew Eddie was really being serious.

“My point is, why have you tried calling me so much, Richie?” Eddie shifted his body so he was facing more towards Richie. “It’s not like we haven’t been seeing each other almost every day.”

Richie had many reasons why he’d been calling Eddie so frequently. There were the obvious ones, like that Eddie was his best friend and he wanted to hang out with him before school started, or that Richie wanted to rescue Eddie from the controlling grasp of his mother - normal stuff like that.

But there were also reasons that made Richie feel sick to even think about, the ones he knew he couldn’t just say. These were the reasons that got him chased out of the arcade, words like venom thrown after him as he ran out of the door. Reasons that got him disapproving looks on the streets of Derry, in his school, and practically everywhere he went. Reasons that, to Richie, just made him different, but to others, made him someone filthy, someone that nobody would want to be around.

“I just-” Richie started, then paused, trying to find the best way to say what he wanted to say to Eddie without making the conversation weird, or worse, having Eddie realize what exactly was wrong with Richie. He let out a breath, then continued. “I just wanted to hang out with you before school started, you know? Like, me and you hanging out - its different than when we’re with Bill and Stan and all the rest of the losers. And y’know, during the school year your mom basically locks you inside the house unless its a weekend.”

Eddie smiled, and Richie felt the weight lift off of his shoulders for just a moment. God, he loved when Eddie smiled. 

“Yeah it sure is different,” Eddie scoffed, not in an unfriendly way. “We don’t have Stan to keep you from making more of your shitty jokes.”

“Listen here, Eds, my jokes are not shitty,” Richie said, putting on an air of mock offence. “I just have a niche sense of humor.”

Eddie didn’t say anything, just laughed and leaned back slightly, using his arms to support himself as he gazed upon the peaceful scene around them.

Silence descended over the quarry once more, bringing the invasive heaviness back with it. Richie wanted to talk - he always did - but for some reason, he had even more of an inclination than usual to fill the silence in that moment. He tried to think of something good to say to break up the silence and launch them into an actual conversation again, but for once, he was at a loss for words.

Talking to Eddie before he had realized those nauseating truths about himself had never been this difficult. He could always fall back into the typical rhythm of Richie and Eddie banter: comforting, safe, easy. But now, he actually had to think about what he said - he knew that one wrong word could cause his entire world to come crashing down. 

Richie was still trying to think of the perfect thing to say, but the task was tedious. Before he realized what he was doing, he was speaking without thinking at all; as opposed to his usual air of humor, what came out instead was plain and candid, more so than he’d intended.

“I’m being serious, Eddie, about what I said earlier. Hanging out with just you is different. In a good way, I promise,” he added quickly.

The invisible weight had found its place back on Richie’s shoulders. It grew heavier and heavier the longer Eddie was silent; Richie couldn’t help but worry that Eddie, as smart as he was, would hear what Richie wasn’t saying. He was terrified that Eddie might find the hidden meaning behind Richie’s words, and Richie’s carefully constructed web of lies would unravel right there between them, revealing to Eddie the truth about who Richie really was. The mere idea of it made Richie start to feel sick.

However, the moment of realization never came, or at least, not in the way it did in Richie’s mind. If Eddie had picked up on anything, he didn’t show it. He just nodded and kept his eyes focused on the trees and the water below them, avoiding Richie’s gaze.

“You annoy the shit out of me, Richie,” Eddie said, still looking away from Richie. A smile crept up on his face despite his words as he continued. “But truth be told, I like it. I really like being around you.”

Richie felt his face grow red and his palms began to get much more clammy than they had been moments before. His heart started to beat much louder in his chest, so loud that he began to worry that Eddie would hear it. Despite the persistent drumming in his chest, Richie shifted closer to Eddie, his hand inching closer to where Eddie’s was resting. Eddie had finally taken his eyes off of the scenery, and had now rested his gaze upon Richie. 

Bad timing on Eddie’s part - Richie had become a clammy, blushing mess in the span of just a few moments.

“Are you okay, Richie?” Eddie asked, his voice so quiet it was almost a whisper.

Richie swallowed the lump that had been forming in his throat, and nodded in response. He wanted nothing more than to move closer to Eddie, to put his arms around him and hold him close. He wanted Eddie to be able to hear how fast his heart beat around him and not care about how deafening the sound was. Richie wanted to run his hands through Eddie’s soft hair, and gently caress his cheek, and wipe away his tears when he was sad. He wanted Eddie, every single part of him. 

All of Richie’s helpless desire flooded his mind at once, and the sheer intensity of it nearly caused him to vomit. He tried moving away from Eddie, fearing his touch might somehow hurt him, but he couldn’t. He was practically frozen in place, his mind in a tug of war between wanting to hold his best friend and wanting to run as far away from him as he could.

Richie settled on a compromise, an incredibly dangerous compromise. He gently lifted up his hand and placed it on top of Eddie’s. Eddie looked up at Richie for a second, his big brown eyes looking directly into Richie’s own, his lips slightly parted. Richie couldn’t tell if Eddie looked scared, or embarrassed, or some combination of both. Eddie’s eyes darted from where Richie’s hand rested, back to Richie’s face, and then back to the water.

And then, Eddie snacthed his hand away, his face growing red as he did so.

Richie immediately tried to apologize, but for the first time in his life, he was choking on air, and his mouth wouldn’t let him speak. He wanted to say something, say anything to ease the awful tension that had begun to grow between him and Eddie, but he couldn’t, no matter how hard he tried. 

Eddie was also frozen in place, holding the hand that had been touching Richie’s close to his chest, like he was protecting it from something.

Like he was protecting it from Richie.

Richie felt sick.

“I-” Eddie started. His voice had risen an octave higher than usual. It almost sounded as if Eddie was about to cry. “I have to go.”

“Wait, Eds-” Richie called out, but it didn’t matter. Eddie was already walking over to his bike, continuing to protect the hand that Richie had touched. 

Richie was desperate now. He started to get up and walk towards Eddie, fighting back the acidic feeling in his gut and the shakiness in his legs. He needed to make things right, he couldn’t let Eddie leave like this, he just  _ couldn’t. _

Despite Richie’s best efforts to move faster on his unsteady legs, Eddie managed to leave before he could make his way to the gravel path where they’d left their bikes. Richie stood in shock as Eddie rode away from the quarry, his mind racing. He knew he shouldn’t have tried to hold Eddie’s hand. Not only were they out in public, but Richie knew deep down that there was no possible way Eddie would be okay with that kind of affection. The best case scenario in a situation like this was that Eddie would forget the whole incident by the first day of school and that everything would go back to normal. The worst, that Eddie wouldn’t talk to Richie anymore, and instead would tell the rest of the losers. Tell them about what Richie had done _ ,  _ about what he  _ was,  _ and none of them would even want to come anywhere near him anymore.

They would abandon him. Leave him alone, like he was always meant to be.

Richie watched as Eddie’s form grew smaller and smaller over the horizon. As soon as Richie couldn’t see him anymore, he walked back over to the cliff by the quarry and fell to his knees.

Richie had no idea when he started crying, but as soon as he realized that he was, he couldn’t possibly stop. It was almost dark, and there was nobody around, so Richie didn’t even bother trying to stifle his loud, painful sobs. Of course he’d fucked everything up somehow, that was what he was best at, right? He was Richie “Trashmouth” Tozier: he had no filter, and he told everyone everything that was on his mind, no matter how filthy and disgusting it was.

If only he hadn’t tried reaching out to Eddie, if only he’d only said the wrong thing instead of doing the wrong thing - words were much easier to play off as a joke, an impression, a typical Richie Tozier bit. But actions spoke louder than words, and even louder than Richie. 

The memories that Richie did his best to repress suddenly came rushing back. Henry Bowers and his gang chasing him out of the arcade after trying to befriend another boy, kids at school giving him looks before turning and talking to their friends, their eyes still fixed on Richie, and people on the streets of Derry, calling him a goddamn  _ faggot  _ just because he had his arm wrapped around his friends shoulders. It was all coming back to him now, and the tug of war in his mind had a clear winner. Richie threw a hand over his mouth, the other one shakily gripping his knee. He didn’t know if he was trying to stop himself from throwing up, or crying, or both, but it didn’t matter. Every memory just contributed to the pounding in Richie’s head and every cry was like a stab in the back, and now he had this incident with Eddie to add to the collection.

To Richie, the worst part of this whole ordeal wasn’t that the public eye was right about him. What did he care about them? The worst part was the very real chance that Eddie probably hated - no,  _ despised _ Richie for this. One simple touch, a gesture that could have soothed the acidic feeling deep in Richie’s gut and lifted the awful weight off of his shoulders, might have potentially ended years of friendship. The sheer idea of Eddie genuinely hating Richie made Richie cry harder, the hand still resting on his leg gripping tighter.

“I’m sorry, Eddie, I’m so so sorry,” Richie choked, hoping Eddie could somehow hear him from miles away, “I- I didn’t mean to hurt you, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I-”

The words became a mantra for Richie, the desperate ramblings of someone who had nothing else left to say. He repeated them over and over for what felt like ages between choking sobs, hoping that maybe Eddie wasn’t disgusted with him, that maybe he would come back and say that Richie could be his friend again, but it was no use. Even if everything seemed okay between them the next time they saw each other, there was always going to be some tension, a strain on their friendship that Richie could never make go away.

By the time Richie lifted his head up, opened his eyes, and cleaned the tears off from his glasses, the sun had completely set, and Richie finally realized how cold the night had become. He shivered as he stood up, his legs doing an absolutely awful job at supporting the rest of his body. With shaky hands, Richie put his glasses back on, disappointed that the world was still a bit too blurry. He sighed and began to walk back towards his bike. There were still tears pooled in the corners of his eyes, but it didn’t matter. Richie lifted his bike off the gravel and began to pedal back towards his house, going just as fast as he had on the ride over to the quarry.

Richie didn’t swerve around the potholes in the road as expertly as he had before. He didn’t even care that his parents would be upset that he was coming home so late. Nothing mattered anymore, not now that he’d finally done it: slipped up, gone too far, done something he couldn’t undo - and lost his best friend in the aftermath. 


	2. Adam

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Richie and Eddie go to the movies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw for homophobia and homophobic slurs. i know i already said it in the beginning notes but it mostly applies to this chapter.

“Richie-” A small figure had approached Richie as he placed his books in his locker. “Can I talk to-”

Richie slammed his locker door shut, not caring about the echoing sound it made and not hearing the voice that had just tried speaking to him. He was completely tired of school and it was only the second day. Somehow, everyone had gotten a little bit more rude over the summer, and Richie was certainly not having it. First, he had to lose Eddie, and now everyone else in the school had to be particularly more shitty to him than usual about the  _ one thing _ he didn’t want to think about. High school was truly off to a great start for Richie Toizer.

As Richie walked down the hall, he began to think about how he and Eddie used to meet up at each others lockers and walk to the bike rack outside of the school together - oh, how he missed that. Richie and Eddie had only hung out once since the _incident _a few days prior, and that was with the other losers. Despite spending nearly the whole day together, the two avoided eye contact with each other the whole time, and barely spoke a single word to each other. Richie thought none of the other losers would’ve noticed, but he was dead wrong.

* * *

“What’s going on with you and Eddie?” Stan asked, blunt as ever, as him and Richie were riding their bikes home from the barrens. “You didn’t talk to him at all today, are you guys doing okay?”

Richie sighed, gently applying the brakes on his bike as they reached a busy street corner. “There’s nothing going on, dude, everything’s fine.” 

Stan laughed, but it wasn’t his quiet laugh that he tried to hide when Richie made a genuinely good joke; it was more mocking than anything. “Please, you two looked like you just went through a messy divorce.”

Stan’s comment made Richie’s skin crawl.

“There’s something going on, Richie, you can’t hide it.” Stan said, trying to take into account Richie’s reaction to his first accusation.

Beginning to pedal again, Richie tried ignoring what Stan had just told him. Did he know? Were Richie’s feelings really  _ that  _ obvious or was Stan just trying to prove a rumor that had followed him since elementary school? Richie brushed off Stan’s intuition as a fluke. Even if Stan did know, he knew Stan would be okay with it, or at least, not friend-divorce Richie because of it.

Does that mean its okay to tell Stan? Would letting a single person, especially someone as understanding as one of the other losers, know about this part of him be that bad? Part of Richie wanted to say  _ yes, telling one of the losers you’re a goddamn queer would ruin your friendships with them all just like you ruined your friendship with Eddie.  _ However, there was another part of Richie, a kinder one, that told him that the rest of the losers would understand, and that even if they didn’t, they would do their best to try.

“Fine, okay, you got me.” Richie said, giving in at last. “I’ll tell you as long as you promise not to tell anyone else, including the other losers, okay?” 

Stan nodded, almost as if he knew what Richie was about to say, “I won’t tell anyone, Richie, I promise.”

Richie took a deep breath and put the brakes on his bike again. He felt himself go light headed, getting off his bike and leaving it on the side of the empty side street. He had never done this before - he had never told  _ anyone  _ about this - but if it had to be anyone, it was going to be either Stan or Eddie, and Eddie was out of the question now.

“Stan, I think I’m gay.” Richie blurted out, “Or, at least I think I might like guys, I don’t know for sure, I- I’m sorry.” Richie added, realizing how completely and truly afraid he sounded.

“Oh, Richie,” Stan said, ditching his bike on the ground and pulling Richie into a tight hug - not the response Richie was expecting in the slightest. “You don’t have to be sorry.”

Richie found himself freezing up for a moment. He had expected Stan to at least ask questions, or maybe prod and poke into exactly why he was doing this, but he didn’t, and Richie couldn’t be happier. That’s why he found himself wrapping his arms around Stan as soon as he realized how truly grateful he was.

“Well-” Stan added, “you should be sorry for a lot of other things, but not for being gay.” Classic Stan, always finding a way to be just a little bit abrasive.

A few moments passed, and soon Richie found himself hugging Stan even tighter as tears formed at the corners of his eyes. This was it; this feeling of being loved and wanted was the only thing he’d ever needed since he realized that something about him was different. Richie did his best to keep himself from crying more as he eventually pulled away from Stan, a big genuine smile on his face as he did so. Stan smiled back, giving Richie a pat on his shoulder. 

Richie and Stan both got back on their bikes, the silence between them comforting because they knew nothing more needed to be said. They stayed that way, riding side by side in near silence for the remainder of the ride back to Richie’s house. As Richie got off his bike and was prepared to drop it off in his backyard, Stan spoke up again.

“Wait, Richie.” Stan blurted out. “I’m happy for you, I really am, but you never answered my first question.” Stan dropped his bike at the end of Richie’s driveway and met him near the gate to his backyard. “Being gay doesn’t explain why you and Eddie were acting so- wait.” The expression on Stan’s face turned from one curiosity into something that can almost be described as fear. “Does Eddie know? Richie, is Eddie against that?”

Richie sighed, the happiness he had felt before leaving almost as soon as it came. “That’s the thing Stan the man,” Richie said, trying to put on an air of calmness, “I really don’t know.” Richie took a breath, trying to let the tension that had built up in his shoulders and neck free, but it didn’t work. “I tried holding Eddie’s hand at the quarry last night and- and he ran away from me.”

“Richie,” Stan said, his voice stern yet still gentle, “do you like Eddie?”

Richie felt himself begin to choke up again. He couldn’t cry now, not in the late afternoon right in front of his parents' house with the possibility of everyone on his street watching him, but he couldn’t help it. The sheer thought of Eddie not being with him anymore was enough to bring Richie to tears.

“Hey, hey, Richie it’s okay.” Stan said gently placing his hands on Richie’s shoulders to try and calm him down. “I get it, Richie, you don’t need to say anything. You’ll be okay, I promise, buddy.”

Richie looked at Stan through bleary eyes, “Do you think Eddie hates me?” he asked, his voice barely over a whisper.

Stan frowned slightly, “No, I think he’ll come around. It just might take some time, that’s all.”

Richie hoped that Stan was right.

* * *

Richie snapped back to reality as he almost bumped into a girl in the hallway. She said something snarky about watching where he was going, but Richie couldn’t bring himself to care. He was so caught up in his own thoughts that he didn’t hear someone yelling at him until the person literally jumped right in front of him

“I’ve been trying to get your attention for the past ten minutes, asshole!” Eddie yelled. “I’ve been trying to talk to you, and it’s about something that’s fucking important!”

Richie blinked a few times, opening his mouth slightly before closing it again, trying to think of what to say, but the words wouldn't come. 

“Sorry, Eddie I- I was just distracted I guess.” Richie stammered out finally.

Eddie cleared his throat and the two moved closer to the lockers to avoid bumping into more of their peers. The two stood in a tense, awkward silence for just a moment before Eddie finally started talking again.

“I’m sorry for yelling.” Eddie said, brushing a bit of his hair out of his face. “I just really,  _ really  _ needed to talk to you, Richie.” 

Richie sighed, “About what?”

“I wanted to say I’m sorry.”

That, of all things, was the  _ last  _ thing Richie expected Eddie to say. Richie had thought Eddie was going to tell him that their friendship was officially over, hammer the last nail into the coffin of their friendship, but he didn’t. Richie felt his jaw drop slightly at this gesture, a small beacon of hope that Eddie still wanted to be friends with him.

“I- I really fucked up, Richie.” Eddie continued, his voice slowly getting faster and higher pitched as he talked. “I was just so worried that like, my mom would find out that you held my hand because it’s  _ obvious  _ that she hates you, and if you like, unknowingly gave me a cold or some other disease she’d probably blame you or one of our other friends for that too, and fuck I’m also sorry for overreacting about this whole situation and not talking to you because I thought you hated me or some bullshit and I really hope you don’t hate me because I enjoy being your friend you asshole.”

Richie didn’t think his jaw could drop more, but it did. He stood there for what seemed like ages, his mouth agape, trying to process what Eddie just said. Eddie thought  _ Richie  _ hated him? Eddie thought like he was the one in the wrong? Richie was incredibly confused for a moment, wondering if they even experienced the same incident at the quarry just a few days prior. However, Richie felt the tension in his neck and shoulders lift as he finally came to the realization that Eddie wasn’t angry with him at all.

“It’s okay, Eds.” Richie assured. “You didn’t need to apologize, I actually thought that you hated me.”

“Sometimes I do,” Eddie said, trying to keep back a smile, “But you’re also my best friend I guess, so I could never like, despise you or anything dude.”

Richie started to laugh, feeling better in this moment than he had in almost a week. “You can be such an ass sometimes.”

“Yeah?” Eddie said. “And what are you going to do about it?”

Richie shoved Eddie in the shoulder as the two began to walk together down the hall, which had cleared out considerably in the last few minutes. Richie couldn’t have been happier that Stan was right, and everything had gone back to some kind of normal, even though the situation Richie and Eddie were in couldn’t be described as “normal” at all. 

* * *

Richie Tozier is sixteen now. He got his driver's license just a few weeks ago, followed by his mom’s old car, and with that came more freedom, and hopefully, he can get a job sometime this summer so he can stop begging his mom for ten bucks every time he went to hang out with the losers. In addition to the additional freedom that came with growing up, Richie also felt more comfortable with himself. Even though every so often he still thought about the incident with Eddie and how it almost ruined their friendship, Richie was able to calm himself by knowing that he was never going to pull a stunt like that again.

Richie slammed on the brakes on his car as soon as he realized he was at Eddie’s house. He put his cigarette out on the side of the car door and let the end fall into street. He knew how much Eddie hated it when he smoked. 

Richie could almost hear Eddie’s voice in the back of his head nagging him about it, saying that he’d get cancer and die or the second hand smoke would give Eddie cancer, and they’d both end up dying because “Smoking triggers my asthma, dickwad.” 

Richie shook his head, grinning. Not even the mental threat of cancer could wipe the smile from his face: Richie and Eddie had big plans for today. Richie had met some boys at the arcade and they had all agreed to meet up at the Aladdin to see Terminator 2. Richie wasn’t a huge fan of the franchise, but it’s what one of the boys suggested, and at this point he was more focused on trying to make a good impression on them as opposed to driving them away like he did with everyone else.

It didn’t hurt that one of the boys, Adam, was kind of cute too.

Eddie came walking out of his house wearing a striped tee shirt tucked into his jeans, his fanny pack hanging around his waist. Richie smiled at the sight of his best friend. Over the past two years, Richie adopted a slightly more punk sense of fashion, but Eddie’s remained the same: preppy shirt or polo tucked into shorts or jeans, and a fanny pack full of bullshit medicine that his mom made him take for bullshit reasons. Lots of things about Richie have changed, for better or for worse, but he’s never stopped being angry at Eddie’s mom for the way she treats him. 

Eddie opened the door to the car and brushed away some of the garbage resting on the seat before sitting down and immediately buckled his seat belt. “You better not fucking kill me, dude.” Eddie said, grabbing his inhaler out of his fanny pack and holding on to it - just in case.

“Relax, spaghetti man.” Richie said, smooth as ever, “I’m a good driver, I’m not gonna crash.”

Eddie laughed mockingly as Richie began to drive down the street. “If there was anyone who could get two teenagers in a fatal car crash in under ten minutes, it’s you, dude.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment.” Richie smirked and pressed his foot on the gas, the engine of his car roaring as they made their way down the empty suburban street, going well over the speed limit. Richie did his best to get uncomfortably close to the cars parked on the side of the road, swerving away at the last possible second, which caused Eddie to go from just simply holding on to the handle near the car window to gripping it so hard his knuckles turned white, screaming at Richie that he was going to kill them both.

As soon as Richie left the quiet subdivision and turned on to a major road, he stopped playing the “Let’s try and give Eddie Kaspbrak a heart attack” game. Richie knew that if he continued, he would actually get him and Eddie into a car crash, fatal or not, and the last thing he wanted was to prove Eddie right on that matter.

It took a little over five minutes for Richie to drive to downtown Derry. It was a Saturday, and the weather was fair, so the streets were much busier than usual - which for Derry, truly wasn’t very busy at all.

Richie was luckily able to find a parking spot fairly close to the Aladdin, one that had a half full parking meter too - jackpot.

“Eddie, give me some quarters.” Richie said, holding out his hand as he turned his key out of the ignition.

Eddie scoffed, unbuckling his seatbelt and reaching into his pocket for his wallet. After a moment of searching, Eddie was able to - reluctantly - find three quarters for Richie to put into the parking meter.

Richie clasped his hand around the quarters and exited the car, opening up the passenger side door for Eddie.

“After you, Edward my dear.” Richie smirked when he finished his sentence, bowing slightly as Eddie exited the car, rolling his eyes.

“Thanks Rich, you’re my hero.” Eddie deadpanned.

“Always at your service, Eddie.” Richie said as he put the quarters into the parking meter, his hands growing clammy as he did so. Despite his tone being joking, his words were truly sincere. Richie thought for a moment about comforting Eddie, supporting him, holding him whenever he needed someone to be close to.

Richie shook his head. He couldn’t let himself get caught up in his still-painful feelings for Eddie right now, not when he was about to go on the closest thing a closeted kid in Derry could call a first date. Eddie didn’t love Richie back. Richie really needed to move on, and maybe the best way to do that was by falling for Adam instead.

After Richie finished putting the quarters into the meter, he wiped the sweat on his hands off on his jeans and entered the theater with Eddie, feeling his legs grow weak and his face go red with the realization that he was still head over heels for Eddie. This was going to be a long afternoon.

* * *

“So whose idea was it to see Terminator 2?” Eddie asked as he and Richie stood in the almost never ending line to get popcorn and other snacks. “The first one wasn’t even good, why the hell do we have to see the second?”

Richie stayed silent for a moment before finally replying. “It was the boy from the arcade’s idea, you know, the one I told you about at school yesterday.”

Eddie rolled his eyes. The line shifted forward about a foot. “Well if it was  _ Adam’s  _ idea, why am I here? What’s keeping me from just hanging out with Stan, Bev, and Bill today?” Eddie sounded very defensive, and his body language showed it too; he had his arms crossed and his brow furrowed as he talked to Richie. “I mean, their plans sounded much more fun than going to the movies with a group of dudes both of us barely even know. Like, what if he’s lying about his age and he’s trying to kidnap us, Richie? If Adam kidnaps us and we get murdered I’m never going to forgive you.”

“We can always hang out with everyone tomorrow.” Richie said, trying to ignore the first part of what Eddie said, before he went on his weird tangent about kidnapping. Richie, truth be told, didn’t really know why he was bringing Eddie along. Richie wanted to believe it was so he’d have a sense of familiarity as he hung out with people who weren’t the losers for the first time in a very long time, but there was a part of Richie that brought Eddie along to make him jealous. Richie hoped that maybe, just maybe, Eddie seeing him with another guy would make Eddie rethink a few things involving their relationship, but that most likely would never happen.

“And Adam and his friends are not lying about their ages, I’m pretty sure I’ve seen them in the halls at school before.” Richie said, matter of factly. The line finally moved forward again, this time by about a foot and a half. Finally, they were getting somewhere.

“Okay fine, I guess they’re probably not going to murder us or whatever.” Eddie said as he rearranged some of the contents of the fanny pack so he could fit him and Richie’s ticket stubs in without bending them. “But if we do get kidnapped, don’t tell me I didn’t warn you, dude.”

Richie rolled his eyes. The line for snacks was moving incredibly slow, and at this rate, he had no idea if they were going to make it to the movie on time. Richie also hadn’t seen Adam and his friends anywhere, which means there was a good chance that they were already in the theater waiting for him, or they figured out how much of a freak Richie was and decided to ditch him entirely. 

“Hey, Richie! Glad to see you made it, dude!” A voice shouted from across the small foyer of the theater. Richie and Eddie looked towards the sound in nearly perfect unison, and standing in all his teenage glory was Adam, along with two other boys. Richie smiled; thank God all his worrying was truly for nothing, he was starting to sound like Eddie.

The first thing that stood out about Adam was that he was tall, not nearly as tall as Richie, but still tall nonetheless. Besides being tall, Adam had a very handsome face, light brown hair that fell in soft waves, and a small collection of freckles that dotted his cheeks and the tips of his ears. Adam, to say the least, was very handsome, and Richie of all people knew that very well.

“Adam!” Richie said, with what he thought was a bit too much enthusiasm. It didn’t matter, however, because Adam smiled a warm smile at both Richie and Eddie.

“I see you brought along a friend, Rich.” Adam noted, joining Richie and Eddie in line to the anger of those in line behind them. “Richie, Richie’s friend, that’s Joel-” Adam pointed to a shorter, sort of scrawny boy wearing a brightly colored windbreaker, “-and that’s Michael.” Adam pointed to the other boy, who wore big square glasses and had a mouth full of braces. “And who’s your friend there?”

Before Richie could reply, Eddie cut him off. “Name’s Eddie, nice to meet you.” Despite the nice tone in his words, Richie could tell there was some malice behind his words, but he ignored it. Eddie was just in a shitty mood, nothing more.

After a few moments of Richie talking back and forth with Adam and his friends, the group got their snacks and headed towards the theater. Despite it being a Saturday afternoon, the theater itself was relatively empty besides a few other small groups near the front. Richie smiled at this, and lead everyone to a string of empty seats in the back row. Richie sat down first, Eddie sitting on one side of him, and Adam on the other. Richie smiled. This afternoon was going to be perfect.

* * *

Even though Richie had low expectations, he moderately enjoyed the movie. The plot wasn’t great, but it did the job of providing the same kind of mindless yet badass entertainment all action movies aimed to provide.

Weirdly, though, Eddie stayed mostly silent throughout the movie. Usually both Richie and Eddie would talk their way through a movie, Richie making jokes about the plot and Eddie criticizing it for being “unrealistic”. Their banter would soon grow from whispers to normal speaking voices, which would cause the other moviegoers to violently shush them or just simply yell at them to shut up. Things like that would always make Eddie a little upset, but Richie didn’t care - he had been told to shut up enough times in his life where the words have begun to lose their meaning.

Richie looked away from the gritty action of the movie for a moment to really take a look at Adam. Even though Adam had been sharing snarky comments about the movie with him all afternoon - most of which managed to get at least a giggle out of Richie - he hadn’t really gotten a solid look at Adam until now. His face was perfectly lit by the light of the movie screen, highlighting his cheekbones and jawline. He looked almost angelic, like a painting, and Richie became lost in how truly handsome this boy was.

Despite this, there was still a feeling nagging at Richie that he was being rude to Eddie for carrying out his usual movie routine with Adam, but Richie ignored it. He was allowed to do things with his other friends, and besides, he had other, more romantic goals for him and Adam’s friendship. He had already tried that with Eddie, and he knew that was a lost cause.

Richie snapped out of his trance, scolding himself for staring at Adam for a socially unacceptable amount of time before focusing his eyes back on the movie, which he honestly couldn’t care less about now. Richie sat in his seat, trying to watch the movie like a normal kid who’s having a normal afternoon. After about five minutes of agonizing concentration, Richie broke, and glanced over at Adam again, who had shifted in his seat, leaning farther in his seat towards Richie than he had during the entire duration of the movie thus far.

Richie gulped. He had a golden opportunity to make a move right in front of him, and like the impulsive boy he was, he took it. 

Richie leaned towards Adam and gently wrapped an arm around his shoulders. For a split second Richie was in pure bliss. He had finally done it, he had touched another boy without any negative repercussions. Richie felt lightheaded, but in the best way possible. His face grew red with blush and his hands began to grow just the slightest bit clammy. Richie, one of the biggest losers at Derry High School, had Adam, one of the most handsome boys Richie had seen in a long while, curled up next to him during a movie. Nothing could have been better than this.

“Dude, what the fuck?”

Richie looked at Adam, who had recoiled away from Richie’s touch. As soon as Richie knew what was happening, he drew his arm back to his chest, holding it with his other hand, protecting it from Adam as best as he could. Richie was completely mortified at the way Adam looked at him. Adam had nothing but betrayal in his eyes; Richie knew that look all too well. 

It was the exact same one Eddie gave Richie two years ago.

Adam, after a tense moment, had stopped looking betrayed, and began to laugh a cold and bitter laugh. Richie knew what was about to happen. Richie quickly tried to rebuild the walls he had so carelessly taken down, hoping that maybe he could find a way to keep himself from being hurt any more than he already felt, but it was no use.

“Jesus fucking Christ.” Adam sneered. At this point, Joel and Michael had leaned forward in their seats, gawking at the spectacle before them. The movie didn’t even matter anymore, even though it was nearly the climax. They had a much better show right next to them. “You- you thought I was a goddamn queer didn’t you?” Adam said, each of his words laced with venom.

Eddie, despite his overall shitty mood towards Richie earlier, had heard enough. He sat up in his seat, nothing but anger on his small, innocent face. “Leave him alone, asshole.” Eddie said through gritted teeth, his hands gripping the edges of his seat with white knuckles.

Adam rolled his eyes, trying to ignore Eddie as best as he could. That task, however, was difficult. Eddie was seething with anger and one more comment away from completely snapping in the middle of this goddamn movie theater.

Richie, on the other hand, tried to speak, but he stammered over the beginnings of all of his words. “I- I’m not- I wasn’t trying to make a move on you, I swear.” Richie finally blurted out, his tone sounding like more of a desperate plea then a solid defense.

“Then what were you trying to do?” Joel laughed, his voice taking on a hideous mocking tone as he leaned towards where Richie and Eddie were sitting. “Were you trying to flirt with Adam? Did you really think that he would like a freak like you?”

The three boys started to laugh, and with that Eddie snapped.

“I said leave him the  _ FUCK  _ alone!” Eddie yelled, which caused a chorus of shushes from the other moviegoers. Eddie simply flipped them off as he stood up from his seat, moving closer to where Adam, Joel, and Michael were sitting. “Seriously, shut up or I’ll- I’ll- ” Eddie stopped with a huff, practically shaking with anger.

“You’ll what?” Adam asked, tone mocking. Michael and Joel looked like they were about to get out of their seats and fight Eddie where he stood, but Adam held an arm out, keeping both of them back. as he stared daggers at both Eddie and Richie. “You guys are the worst, both of you.” Adam turned directly towards Richie now. “I honestly thought you were a cool guy, Richie, but I guess not.” 

Adam stood up and began shuffling his way through the seats until he made his way to the stairway leading out of the theater. “You’re truly as big of a freak as everyone says you are, Tozier.” Adam gave Richie one last look of pure, unrestrained contempt before leaving the theater.

There was a few seconds where an awful, tense feeling hung in the air before Michael and Joel got out of their seats to follow Adam out of the theater. Joel and Michael had pushed their way past Eddie and Richie, but before he could reach the stairs, Joel took the lid off of his drink and poured the remaining contents, ice and all, on to Richie. “Derry doesn’t need faggots like you.” Joel hissed. And with that, Adam, Joel, and Michael were gone.

As they left, Richie thought he could hear Michael say “Wait until Bowers hears about this,” but he couldn’t process Michael’s words. It felt as if he was underwater, his vision blurry despite his glasses still being on, and the sounds of the movie muffled by the thoughts that fired through his brain.

What if Adam told everyone what had happened? There were already plenty of rumors going around about Richie as well as the rest of the losers, but if Adam told people this would confirm them. Oh god what if Bowers found out? What if  _ Eddie  _ found out? 

Richie sat frozen in his seat for what seemed like hours, gulping at the thought of the boy sitting next to him figuring out. Eddie was very perceptive, and he was smart. It would be easy for him to put the evidence together and solve the puzzle of Richie Tozier’s sexuality - even without looking at the box the puzzle came in.

Richie felt an ice cube slide off of his coke soaked hair and on to his arm; he didn’t even flinch, despite how cold it was. It took Eddie nearly yelling Richie’s name, as well as grabbing his hand with great force for Richie to snap out of whatever awful headspace he was in.

“Are you okay, Richie?” Eddie said, his voice soft but wavering slightly. Despite standing up for Richie as best as he could, ready and willing to beat up three boys nearly twice his size to keep Richie safe, it was starting to become obvious that Adam and his friends had scared Eddie too. It makes sense: Eddie wasn’t particularly strong. He was quick, but agility alone can’t win a fight, and he knew that. 

Richie began to laugh at how completely ridiculous Eddie’s question was, which caused Eddie to raise an eyebrow in confusion. Richie just lost three potential new friends, got called queer more times in a day than he has in the past three weeks, and got a half full large movie theater cup full of coke dumped on him, ice and all. He was doing great, really! Best day of Richie’s young life!

After a moment of tense, strained laughter, Richie’s laughs changed into heavy, choked sobs. He didn’t know why he was crying, things like this had happened to him so many times before. He was almost as used to Derry’s homophobia as he was to hearing people tell him to shut up. The problem was, being told to shut up was like getting a paper cut or stubbing a toe. It hurt in the moment, but it was still a minor injury - something that will surely be forgotten in time. Incidents like this felt more like a knife was being driven right through the middle of Richie’s chest. 

Richie tried wiping his tears away, but his hands were trembling and sticky from the coke, which had begun to dry. Of course Richie’s actions would be his downfall. Richie learned two years ago that reaching out wasn’t an option. No matter how much hope he felt, no matter how many signs he got that maybe - just maybe - his romantic feelings could be returned, he was destined to be alone as long as he was in Derry. There was nobody who loved Richie like that here.

Somehow, Richie felt even worse as soon as he realized how awful he had been to Eddie throughout the day. He had ignored Eddie for almost the entire afternoon, turning him down whenever possible in order to impress Adam and possibly win his affection. The thought of seeing Adam in a romantic light seemed so so stupid to Richie now. He made Eddie feel shitty and for what? The slim chance of getting with some boy? Richie felt the pain in his chest grow tighter as his sobs got stronger. He felt like everyone else in the theater was staring at him, gawking at Richie like people that can’t help but stare at a car crash. There was a spectacle, and despite the fact that someone had been hurt terribly, they couldn’t help but look.

Eddie took his wrist off of Richie’s, causing a small gasp - that sounded much more like a hiccup - to escape from Richie’s mouth between sobs. Eddie grabbed a couple of napkins from the small pile he had on the empty chair next to him before shifting over in his seat towards his friend. 

“Richie, seriously, are you alright?” Eddie’s voice was a low whisper, almost like he was telling Richie a secret. “Can I?” Eddie asked, grabbing the top napkin from the pile and holding it close to Richie’s face.

Richie nodded, and Eddie gently pressed the napkin against Richie’s cheek, wiping away both his tears and some of the coke that was still running down the side of his face. Richie’s breath hitched in that moment. The cheap napkin was rough against his skin, but Eddie’s touch was so gentle and caring that Richie couldn’t help but smile. He loved Eddie more than anything in this moment, his touch, gentle and sweet, and his cute little face, twisted with concern, concern for Richie. 

Why the fuck did Richie give all this up for  _ Adam? _

Richie managed to fit a small chuckle in between his sobs, which had began to subside, but only slightly. “That bitch called me queer and his dumb friend poured his coke all over me. I’m doing just peachy, Eds.”

Eddie sighed as he discarded the napkin he was currently using and grabbed another from the pile, now moving to the other side of Richie’s face. “We can go home if you want, Richie, we don’t have to stay here.” Eddie said. “I think it would be better if we left anyway.”

Richie wiped away a stray tear with the heel of his palm. “I- I agree dude, I really don’t want to be here.”

Eddie nodded. “Just let me dry you up a bit, first, okay? You don’t wanna get your car all sticky.”

“Why are you being so nice, Eddie?” Richie asked. Although his question seemed kind of stupid, Richie was in fact being genuine. He had been awful to Eddie all day. Eddie absolutely could’ve stayed silent while Adam and his friends were berrading Richie. He could’ve left in the middle of the movie, leaving Richie to suffer the aftermath of what happened with Adam alone, but he didn’t, and Richie wanted to know why more than anything.

Eddie smiled as he continued to wipe away tears and coke with the thin napkin. “It would’ve been a dick move to not help you out, and you’re the dick in this relationship, not me.”

Richie laughed at Eddie’s comment, his tears finally starting to subside. “I guess that’s why my parents named me Richard, huh, Eds?”

Eddie rolled his eyes, his face growing slightly red as he did so. Eddie discarded the napkin in his hand into their empty bucket of popcorn along with the others, taking a moment to look at Richie, who still looked like a mess. His face and glasses were mostly clean, but his hair and clothes were soaked and stained. “I did the best that I could.”

“That’s okay, dude, these clothes are probably trashed anyway,” Richie said, trying to make light of the situation, but it had the opposite effect on Eddie.

Eddie moved forward in his seat and gently cupped Richie’s cheek, making a small movement with his thumb as he did so. Richie’s heart skipped a beat as he looked into Eddie’s big brown eyes. He had no idea what Eddie was trying to accomplish here; all Richie knew was that he never wanted this moment to stop. Eddie’s hand was soft and warm, his mouth contorted into a sad yet loving smile. Richie was completely breathless. He wanted nothing more than to lean forward and kiss Eddie, but he felt frozen in place once again. And besides, Richie knew what happened last time he made a move on Eddie, and he knew what happened with Adam today. Richie was not about to take that chance again.

“I really care about you, Richie.” Eddie whispered. “I want you to know that.”

Richie felt his entire face grow red. He slowly started to move his hand - which had began to tremble - to the side of his face where Eddie was currently caressing his cheek, but before his hand even made it halfway, Eddie removed his. However, it wasn’t a quick removal like when Richie grabbed Eddie’s hand two years ago or how Adam recoiled away from Richie earlier that afternoon, but it was a gentle departure, one that left both parties satisfied. 

Richie smiled for the first time in what felt like ages. “Do you wanna get out of here?” Richie suggested, his heart feeling lighter than it had in a very long time. 

“Yeah, I’d like that a lot.” Eddie said. He then stood up; grabbing the popcorn bucket full of napkins as well as his empty drink and started heading towards the stairs. It was the most important scene of the entire movie - the music had begun to swell and everyone else was on the edge of their seats, except for Richie and Eddie, who couldn’t care less about the Terminator franchise at this point. 

“Wanna see if Bev, Stan, and Bill are down to go to the quarry?” Richie said as he walked down the stairs with his garbage in hand. “I gotta wash this coke off somehow.”

“I mean, you could take a shower or something, dipshit.” Eddie said as he pushed open the door to the theater, walking back out into bright light. “Jesus fucking Christ dude, why the fuck is it always so goddamn bright when you get out of movies?” 

Richie shrugged as he threw his garbage away, blinking a few times to get his eyes adjusted to the light. It took him a moment to realize how strange he must look to the outside world. His face was still slightly red from crying and blushing, his hair was still very wet, his clothes were stained, and he reeked to high hell of coke. All in all, still not the weirdest thing anyone has seen Richie in. 

“Anyway,” Eddie said, “Let’s use the payphone outside to call Bill or something, we still got daylight left and I wanna spend it at the quarry with people who won’t be as big of assholes as Adam and whatever the fuck his friends names were.” 

A smile crept across Richie's face as he and Eddie left the theater together, digging some change out of his wallet as he did so. Despite feeling much better than he did earlier, Richie still felt incredibly close to tears and had an acidic feeling of worry in his gut. As Richie handed the spare change he found in his wallet to Eddie, he felt the crushing weight that had been on his shoulders for years get just a bit heavier. He knew this wasn’t the last time someone was going to be homophobic in Derry. Richie even knew Bowers and his gang were going to give him hell on Monday as soon as they found out about this whole ordeal, but Richie shrugged it off. His day was already pretty much ruined, but that didn’t mean he still couldn’t have fun.

Eddie looked over at Richie from where he was standing by the payphone, resting the phone against his chest to muffle the noise before saying that Bill was going to try and round up Mike and Ben to see if they wanted to come too. Richie smiled at that. It had been a while since all seven of the losers had gone to the quarry together, and he thought it was long overdue. It would be the perfect end to an incredibly awful day.

After Eddie made his call, the boys both got back into Richie’s car, and Richie began driving back towards their subdivision. The car ride was mostly quiet, Richie trying to focus on driving so he didn’t lose focus and accidentally run them both off the road, but him and Eddie did share a couple of jokes as they got closer to Eddie’s house. As soon as the car stopped, Eddie ran inside his house for a second, emerging not even five minutes later with a small backpack instead of his fanny pack. After Eddie got back into Richie’s car, Richie turned around and took the car away from his house and towards the quarry instead.

“Not stopping at home?” Eddie asked, his hand drumming against his leg.

“Eh, I’m going to throw these clothes out anyway, why bring a swimsuit?” Richie said. “Or I can just swim in my boxers, I know how much you guys enjoy that.”

Eddie groaned, “God, Richie, you’re so weird”

“Hey!” Richie protested, “You said you cared about me earlier, no take backs, dude!” 

“I think I’m starting to regret saying that.” Eddie sighed.

Just like that, Richie and Eddie had slipped back into their usual routine, doing their best to forget what had happened just an hour ago. Richie made bad jokes and bickered with Eddie all the way to the quarry, and continued even at the disapproval of all their friends. The day had taken a turn for the better, and the losers all had a good time messing around - from playing chicken to dunking each other underwater - together.

Things were just about as normal as they could get. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'd just like to say i'm sorry for making richie so sad these first two chapters, it will get (somewhat) better next chapter, i promise!

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! there's not going to be a super consistent update schedule for this fic, but I do have ideas in mind for the rest of the chapters so I'll probably update fairly soon.
> 
> make sure leave a comment or kudos if you enjoy this so far :)


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